You're my little dorito
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
