It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
