I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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