Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
