I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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