____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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