Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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