So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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