well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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