Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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