I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
