And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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