Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
