My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
