bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize