Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize