even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she smelled like a LAN party
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
