Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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