While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ttyl tear gas
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
