I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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