Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He better not be in your backpack
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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