dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
