who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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