he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
