people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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