You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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