I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
