no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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