Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
