I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
