We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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