There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
