Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
