ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
