I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
