Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize