I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
