what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
