I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
