Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize