You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize