The police scanner is talking about you again....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
