I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I deserve this hangover.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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