OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
