I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
