gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's rum buckets o'clock
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
