At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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