oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
