Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
