its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
