Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
