You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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