but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
