My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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