Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
