I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
