Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
