I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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