DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
