sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
