I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
