i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
