I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
