Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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