Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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