I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
