Where are you?
In a non slutty way
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize