I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
