plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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