I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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